He is in the details

i take quite a few pictures of my kids sleeping.  some day they may think i'm the creepy mom, but honestly, i love capturing their ability to zonk out anywhere.  one marker that my kids are chill and comfortable and that life is going along okay is if they are sleeping.  the peaceful slumber, the arms flung wildly in every direction...i absolutely love it.  

think about the reckless abandon with which a toddler sleeps.  Ana doesn't wander around the house making sure i've got dinner planned and the laundry done.  she doesn't insure that someone will be here when she wakes up.  she simply trusts that everything is as it should be and that I (her mama) has everything under control and that i will still be here when she wakes up.

do i really have everything under control?  no, but as far as she is concerned, from her perspective i do and that' s what matters to her.  how often do i run around like a crazy lady and push myself because i'm afraid that if i rest, if i take a moment off, that these twirling plates of my life will shatter on the floor?  all too often.  

being a mom has taught me a lot about giving up control.  giving up the worry and instead telling Him about my worries.  being a single mom is teaching me how to trust in Jesus for my finances, for my food, for work, for energy...for everything.  it reminds me that he is not only aware of all the details...but he is intimately orchestrating all the details for my good and His glory.

over the past two weeks, temperatures have risen and i think we can officially say that the snow is gone for good in central, ny.  with this came the need for cool, summer clothing.  i searched through the girls' drawers and found minimal summer outfits and quietly said, "okay, God, we're going to need some summer stuff and i need you to find it for me...whether it's TJ Maxx, garage sales, hand me downs...whatevs.  just let me know when you find it."

i woke on Friday morning and immediately thought about neighborhood garage sales nearby that happen annually.  i flipped through my smartphone and found that indeed, they were happening that day.  two lunches packed, two kids out the door, two more staying with me--i raced about dressing and grabbing sippies and snacks.  we arrived at the sales about a half hour after they started and by golly, the same house i'd been frequenting for the past two years had their wares spread out in their garage.  little did they know their second-hand clothes were a direct answer to prayer.  one large shopping bag and three smaller ones later my littles and i walked back to our car...provision in hand.  new summer and fall wardrobes for both the girls.  

yes, He moves mountains.  yes, he heals the sick.  yes, He parts seas.  and He's also in the little details--the summer wardrobes, the toilets that need to be cleaned, the meals that need to be prepared and the friendships that pull us through.  

He is in the details.

Dear Weary Mom (In Which I Declare "Me Too")

Dear Weary Mom,

Our culture loves labels.  Stay at home mom, working mom, single mom...and here we add another one, weary mom.  At the heart of all these labels is one word--mom.  We are all moms.  No matter what we do during the day (or the night for those who work third shift) we are the mothers.  We cultivate, nurture, embrace, discipline, pray for, and love our children fiercely.    No one else can do our job and I'm pretty sure that we would never want any other person TO do our job. 

Despite that conviction and drive to love my chlidren, I get tired.  I get bone-weary so that all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep.  Mothering is hard work.  We don't hear that admission enough so I'm going to say it again.  Whether you have one child or many children, mothering is hard work.  I've had people, probably trying to be funny, ask me if I figured out what causes having kids.  Individuals have been brash enough to ask m e why I had four if I was so tired.  My answer is that my level of tiredness would not change and please, look at my children.  Which one would I remove in exchange for what, a few extra minutes of sleep?  I think not.  

It's because of interactions like this that I muster up and soldier on.  I think most of us do it.  People ask, "How are you?" and I smile and say, "Just wonderful," because if I were to admit that I'm tired and I'm not sure about what I'm doing and that I'm afraid the prayers won't be enough and that the weight of this awesome responsibility of these four little lives just weighs on my shoulders...well, if I were to admit that, then they might wonder what the heck I'm doing.  In admitting that to them, I'd have to first admit it to myself and sometimes it feels shameful to say that I'm scared--that I'm fearful of being less than the best for my children.  To openly say that sometimes I wonder if God made a mistake when he gave me four.  That maybe four is too many for me.  That four is a number for better/stronger/less tired.

Lies.  All lies.

So today I'm here to tell you that this is a place that resounds with "Me too."  We sit on the other sides of our computers, in the midst of our everyday craziness called motherhood and say, "Me too."  

You're scared that one, two, three, four or beyond is too many?  It's not, friend.  No, not by any stretch of the imagination.  You are the chosen mom specifically for your children and any belief other than that is a lie.  You have the children you have because God wants to use them to shape you and you to shape them to look more like His Son.  

Easy? no.

Possible? Absolutely.

This place, this place of Hope for the Weary Mom, well, it's a place to gather.  Gather with all your fears, your misgivings, your questions, and your concerns.  We can't fix them all.  We can't answer them all, but we can carry them with you to the One who will fix, who will answer, and who will ultimately restore.  

xo and wishes for more sleep,

Kristina

*****

Today a bunch of the members of Team Hope are writing their own letters to a Weary Mom.  You can hop on over to Hope for the Weary Mom to check out all of the letters or you can read them individually here....

Dear Weary Mom....by Stacey Thacker

Dear Weary Mom {Shake It Off, Girl} by Brooke McGlothlin

Deary Weary Mom or Dear Weary You by Kristi Griem

Dear Weary Mama...I'm one Too by Michele-Lyn Ault

Dear Weary Mom by Tracie Stier-Johnson

A Letter for You, For When You're Weary by Jacque Watkins

on stressed out moms

managed chaos.  that's a very accurate way to describe my life as a mom to four little people ages seven and under.  my mom recently told me that she read an article about how moms that had four kids were less stressed out when compared with moms to one or two.  here's my take on that....

case study numero uno:  

my agenda for that Tuesday morning was nada.  honestly it was more like i would cross things off my to-do list making me feel accomplished while the kids busied themselves around the house coloring, playing, and in general making a mess.  Ana, my almost four year old came into the living room and the following conversation ensued:
Ana:  Mommy, can I take off my diaper?

Me:  Is there anything in your diaper?

Ana:  No.

Me:  Okay, sure.  Just put underwear on.  

Ana disappears up to her room and reappears wearing a bathing suit.  a mere two years ago i would have fought my now seven year old about this.  two more kids later and a few years and you know what?  a bathing suit actually covers more than underwear so as far as i'm concerned...we both win.

case study numero dos:

a new phenomenon has occurred at my house.  3 out of 4 children can put their own shoes on.  this is almost as good as pottytraining is.  recently, all of my children were a bit under the weather and they had been that way for quite some time.  i did the "wait it out because it's viral" song and dance and after a few weeks they still couldn't shake a cough.  so, i did what every good mother does...we descended on my doctor's office like a small tribe of hooligans.  thankfully, the kids were really well-behaved which i think was a tylenol-induced chill out session as well as a case of legitimately feeling like crap, but i'll take well-behaved kids without argument.  the nurses were amazing and i was feeling pretty good about my abilities as a mom...until it came time to weigh them...then they took off their shoes and socks.

i had been so focused on getting shoes on them and getting out the door that i didn't realize that Ana hadn't worn any socks.  yep, just her green galoshes.  lovely.

(p.s.-oh, and the kids felt horrible because da da da daaaaaa....they all had pneumonia.)

conclusions:

honestly, four kids is the best.  i love it.  sure there is the chaos, but i agree with the article...there just isn't space in my brain to micromanage life.  i'm happy if everyone just has clean underwear on...or at least a clean bathing suit.

what about you?  are you stressed out?  how many kids do you think is the most stressful and why?  how do you combat the stress?  i'd love to hear your comments!

*****

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